CULIACAN, SINALOA – There’s 90 minutes left to the Mexican elections, the sweat’s dripping now in the steamy office. goddamned air conditioner quit working half an hour ago in the offices of Rio Doce, the newspaper where I’m watching the drama unfold. Stuck on a Latin American keyboard with all sorts of funky symbols where legitimate punctuation marks are supposed to be. Excuse my punctuation if not my spelling. Culiacan is steamy, the streets empty. A sheet of clouds hang heavy over the city. Goddamned ley seca has stopped the liquor for nearly 24 hours now. Everybody’s home, the bars are closed. Inside the newspaper offices, it’s a whole another world. Shouts emanate over the office divider splitting the design room from editorial. We’re getting drunk. some of us are getting loud. “La puta!” shouts Ismael Bojorquez, the normally articulate publisher watching the coverage on live television. But we’re down to four beers I had left over from the night before. Javier the correspondent, dusted off a bottle of cognac that hasn’t seen the light of day since Vicente Fox won six years ago. Now that’s gone too. Newscasters are trying like hell not to call the results, but the temptation is too great. The candidates ain’t helping any. There goes Roberto Madrazo again, his face wooden in eternal constipation, noticed he stopped smiling two hours ago. He’s been trailing for weeks. Felipe Calderon a-p-p-e-a-r-s to be winning. I say that cautiously. IFE preliminary results have him ahead by six and a half points and that’s a big lead. But there’s no way all the casillas have been counted yet and Lopez Obrador isn’t about to give any negative views. Sonora and Baja California just closed half an hour ago, right around the time the a/c broke and the crew started eyeing my beers. “Café! Café” Javier again. The giant is a brilliant news reporter, but he’s getting anxious. “Michael! Algo tiene el Washington Post!” yells Ismael after yelling into the phone at somebody else. They do, and after typing in wasington, washhintton, was#hintton, I’m finally seeing it. Another analysis. The race is too close to call, reports Reuters. This thing could end up like a Florida 2000 fuck-all. If the race is too close, both Calderon and Lopez may demand a recount. Mexico will sink into days, even weeks of chaos. The world is doomed and an asteroid is going to hit us July 2 (July 4th we strike back: thanks Fark.com). who in the world thinks up of this shit anywaY? I don’t think so baby, the Mexicans can read across the ballot pages just fine. More in a while.