THE BORDER REPORT

Had a drink, okay, three, with a federal agent tonight and if you let me ramble for a second, let me just say that the Hotel Congress patio is a fantastic place to talk. Lots of loud music, that goddamned train, people moving around; sometimes the best way to hide is simply standing still. Anyway, we had an interesting talk about the Immigration and Customs Enforcement Arizona jefe job. Alonzo Peña, who holds that gig right now, is quitting the Special Agent in Charge job in January. He barely got here in mid-October last year. "It's got to be the most unpopular job in federal law enforcement," said this guy. "They have to force people to take the SAC job in Phoenix." He laughed, tipping back the last of his beer. "It's like, 'Come on, just take the job for a little while, just until we line somebody up,'" he says. It certainly seems that way. By all accounts, and I haven't taken a poll but the standard rule of thumb is, when you hear more than three Feds mutter the same thing, followed by "and I'd better not see my name on your goddamned Web page," I take it as true, the ICE SAC job in Phoenix is the worst job in American law enforcement. First comes the attention-whoring by certain elected state and county officials, then the incessant jurisdictional battles with all the federal egos, FBI, DEA, and Border Patrol. "On top of that, you've got the human rights people crawling up your ass," this agent says. "Awful." Border security, by it's nature, always leaves somebody out in the cold. Start checking cars more thoroughly and more often at the ports and the business and tourism folk go nuts. Start training outback deputy sheriffs in immigration law and you're branded a Nazi regime builder with no regard for humanity. Put up walls on the border and the environmentalists step in to the fight. Take them down and it's the trash from the illegal migrants that are choking the endangered pronghorn antelope. So Peña is stepping down, maybe he's had enough. But as far as anybody knows, nobody is exactly storming the front doors to be the next target.

-- Michael Marizco